My "first" time...

I guess I should start at the beginning eh?  I was 21, somewhat forced into marrying my highschool sweetheart/Marine,living in 29 Palms California a Military town
and hating every minute of it.  I didn't work and I didn't have any friends down
there.  My ex was constantly on my case about finding a job. The truth was
I didn't think I was good enough to work anywhere. I didn't WANT a job.
That was one of the MAJOR differences between us, I didn't care much about
money, and his world REVOLVED around money.  It was because both of us came from completely different financial backgrounds. Anyhow, I was always still in love
with my first TRUE love...Matthew.  When my husband left for Iraq I moved back
to  (my hometown) Oregon and I started "seeing" Matt. He has always had an addiction to pills and opiates. I have seen him taking pills since I met him *in 1998, never had I known or seen him do heroin.  The way it made them act and the way it LOOKED like it made them feel, I immediately wanted to try it.  I passed the first few times they offered just because that was the one drug that (to me) always seemed the most "hardcore." I had already smoked pot, tried mushrooms and extasy, but I was always most afraid of heroin and acid. I don't know what made me finally try it, but eventually I asked to have a "hit", they were smoking it off tin foil.  My first hit felt soooooo amazing. I was beyond loaded and I loved it.  From then on I occasionally smoked it.  I moved into my own apartment with the help of my ex husband (at the time we were still married) He had given me permission to use his checkbook and write one $300.00 check a month to pay for half of my rent.  Well, that was all good at first, until my craving for heroin came into play.  I was writing a $200.00 check every week, sometimes twice a week to pay for mine and Matts drug habit. At the time I didn't realize how addicted we were, because I just LIKED doing it, I didn't feel addicted and wasn't trying to bury my problems. I wish I would have seen THE BIG PICTURE, because Matthew was.  In the midst of our drug induced "relationship" Matthew was writing bad checks. He was telling me he was doing work for his grandma and she was giving him $150-$300.00 checks every other day almost. I DEFINITELY thought it was a little strange, but I went along with it because I wanted to get high!  Eventually it all caught up to us. The banks questioned his grandma about the money and she didn't know anything about it,(obviously) therefore, the police got involved. I was arrested at my work.  (how embarrassing) I told them the truth, and they told me that if I told them where Matt was, they would let me go...so I did. I have never told a single soul about "ratting" my "boyfriend" out until just now...phew..
We had spent over $5,000.00 of my ex's money and about $2,000.00 of Matts grandmas' money.  That is ALOT of heroin. He ended up going to prison for a year and a half and got clean while doing his time. I was able to stop doing herion with NO problems, I moved back to Cali to be with my "husband" and then we decided to get divorced.
Now it's 2012 and I find myself in the pit of my Heroin Addiction. It has consumed my life and I am struggling to get it back...